


towards the stars of the future I awoke into

by deathdrive



Series: Selfish Lover [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dreams, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Persona 5: The Royal, random messages from the phantom thieves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:36:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27156721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathdrive/pseuds/deathdrive
Summary: “I can’t let my chaos entangle with yours.” Akechi pushes a black strand of hair behind Akira’s ear. The gesture so intimate Akira can’t help leaning to it. “Stop looking for me.”Akira dreamt about endless conversations with Goro almost religiously every night... until he didn't.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: Selfish Lover [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018668
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	towards the stars of the future I awoke into

**Author's Note:**

> Update: This will go into a series since it got a bit too long with plot and other snippets and thought it would get together best as part of a series instead of a huge thing 
> 
> I didn't want it to be so italics heavy, and exhaust your eyes so I put some divisions:
> 
> ✦ · · · · ──────────── Akira starts remembering a dream  
> ──────────── · · · · ✦ Finishes remembering that dream
> 
> ✧ · · · · ──────────── Start of a dream in the present  
> ──────────── · · · · ✧ End of a dream in the present
> 
> Basically is the same format but if its black ✦ is in the past, if its white/clear ✧ is the present  
> Thanks for reading!

**Reminiscence: Butterfly Effect**  
_  
_

_  
  
Waves roll in chasing one after the other, fearless they receive sand’s embrace even though such embrace will dissolve their beauty into white foam._

_The beauty of the deep blue sea terrified him as a kid but today he’s at ease despite the violent echoes and the knowledge that the alive stray in the horizon and all dead is swallowed down into its core, never to be found._

_He once read ‘there’s no exquisite beauty without strangeness in its proportion’. Such words wash over him with the same warmth of the salty air inside his lungs, squeezing his heart hard at the sight in front of him._

_Sun wraps around brown strands of hair shining gold. Hair flows in the wind as in slow motion (or Akira sees it that way) the man standing by the shore turns around and looks at him with those crimson eyes challenging the sea’s allure._

_Thunder echoes at the distance, a storm is approaching. Waves swallow up the figure by the shore up to the knees. Lips move whispering something for Akira and Akira only, but the chanting of the sea is too loud. Too demanding. It aches for attention and selfishly robs Akira from hearing those words._

_Akira misses Akechi’s voice, it’s been a year and a half since he last heard it. Akira has been waiting, longing even, for those words, but the sea in the end is always a selfish lover._

That morning Akira woke up sweating and unsettling nostalgic.

✧ · · · · ──────────── · · · · ✧

Its pouring rain the streets of Tokyo tonight. Is cold enough to make anyone shudder at its playful breezes. Every tiny drop stick in skin, if the temperature were to drop a bit more it might turn into hail.

As soon as it started raining, umbrellas began to stroll through the streets protecting each passerby while those unfortunate like Akira had to find shelter. His hair is damp and so is the black coat wrapped around him, Akira takes a breath under the canopy of a closed grocery store and can see a white transparent small cloud leave his lips.

Its almost midnight and the few people roaming the streets begin to scatter leaving huge empty moments of loneliness in the streets.

Removing his soaked and tarnished glasses from his face he opens his bag to put them inside their case. There’s a blue scarf and wonders briefly if he should take it out to give himself some warmth but closes the bag instead not wanting to get it wet as well.

He takes good care of the glasses even though he doesn’t need them. His eyesight is not bad, and his glasses are fake. Akira bought them at an optics near his father’s work a day before leaving for his probation at Tokyo. It was one of those rare instances where they weren’t paying attention to him and he managed to wander off alone.

Since he was arrested his parents wouldn’t leave him alone. It would have been sweet had it been out of support and not a sense of control. Once they were back home they couldn’t even look at him, so Akira spent most of his time locked inside his room. It got easier for them, he thinks since they didn’t even call or text their son once he was in Tokyo.

Akira loves them and he knows they love him; they just weren’t great at handling some things and their timing at trying to be strict and attentive parents was a bit off.

This happened three years ago, Akira was sixteen and lost so he bought some fake glasses to look like a boring yet approachable student and not a proclaimed misfit with a criminal record.

There’s not a use to them anymore but he guesses it became a habit wearing them.

_“Is just another mask. Masks are so easy to put on but so hard to take off, don’t you think?”_

A voice told him in his dreams a long time ago. He was right, but Akira doesn’t want to ponder on that thought right now.

Akira doesn’t like to contemplate far too long any thought that involved Akechi Goro.

There’s no use hanging too long on them, not because of a sense of contempt but because he doesn’t know what to do afterwards. Akira mourned and his death and choices weighted on him for some time until it didn’t.

Akira let him go when he took his train back to his hometown and the seasons started to change, he knew he couldn’t keep on holding to every bad thing that happened.

What’s done is done. In this world you must be like the water currents of the river that disembogue into the sea. Always moving on, so he moved on.

That doesn’t mean he forgot about him. The glove and promise Akechi gave him still accompany him wherever he goes.

But Akira had to move on with his life so he finished his senior year back home, saved some money, talked with people he never had talked to before and went back to Tokyo to enroll at university and be with the people he now called ‘home’.

It’s been two years since the Metaverse, Shido, Maruki, and The Phantom Thieves, and it’s been a year since he started living in Tokyo like a normal (this time for real) student.

Akira is happy, but that doesn’t mean his smile doesn’t falter a little when he is out with his friends and notices someone with black gloves fiddling with the edge of their napkin in a similar way Akechi did when deep in thought. Or when he remembers how Akechi liked his coffee while he is serving someone at Leblanc sitting at the spot he used to sit. 

Is normal, after all there were so many things unspoken between them that Akira no matter how much he has moved on he would have liked to tell him.

The fact Akechi chose death twice isn’t what makes Akira stare at the ceiling some nights, not anymore. What makes him do so are the little things he can remember Akechi used to do, things barely someone would notice and that probably not even Akechi was aware of.

The suitcase with a giant A because of course he liked to show off, the pristine shoes, the sometimes coco, sometimes fruity scent of his shampoo when he walked by, the smile in his face when he knew he was about to win in a chess game, the fire in his eyes when he ripped a shadow apart, and every kill threat he gave anyone but when they did something good his lips twitched a little into what could have been a proud smile if he had been more honest with showing his true feelings.

So no, Akira doesn't like to ponder on thoughts about Akechi but he did anyways.

To be fair, he is sheltering himself from the rain at Kichijoji right after listening the last set at Jazz Jin. This was a place they used to spend a lot of time together. Somewhere special to Akechi and soon grew into Akira.

It was his first time there in two years. He expected a lump in his throat or a small burn at the tip of his nose, feeling sick and have every awful thing come back and stab his gut. As the last set of the night consumed and the beautiful voice of the singer that had enamored them reached its apex and release Akira felt content.

The small memories that had resurfaced didn’t bring that itch inside his ribcage but rather it made him take a calm breathe in reminiscence.

The rain doesn't seem to want to falter, it falls heavy fuzzing out everything outside a few meters of eye-range. The last train has already parted, and Akira is debating on whether he should wait the rain to calm down a bit so he can walk back home or just take a cab. He should act soon on it, but the smell of rain is nice and probably he should wait and see if it slows down enough to not drown a few steps in. So, when he hears the notification sound of a new text message Akira takes a seat at the small step that leads into the grocery’s door to check.

**Thursday, December 3, 20XX**

**11:45 p.m.**

**[Phamtom Phievies]**

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** Hey I'll be a bit late, Yusuke got full 'art attack' mode on me

Akira can’t remember who changed the group chat, all he remembers is that it was way past midnight, and everyone coincided to be awake and had lost any sense of coherence and filter. Akira calls it the ‘void hour’ where philosophy and nonsense coexisted as an art form. One of the meanings he assigns and the one the Phantom Thieves are aware of is that the void hour is where you discuss very seriously why we are here in this world but laugh in tears if someone says ‘fart’.

Going back to topic, first he notices that message probably was meant to be sent by DM to him since Ryuji and Akira share an apartment. His smile grows at the words 'art attack' because it only meant two things:

  1. Yusuke got an urge for seeking inspiration out of nowhere and is about to do something so controversial yet so brave like throwing himself at the lake in Inokashira Park or making some offerings to some statue near the station because he heard people were saying you'd have a wish granted if you did it at 3 am
  2. Yusuke found a burst of inspiration and kidnapped someone to do something equally random, like that one-time Akira was the victim of an ‘art attack’ and ended up naked at Yusuke’s rooftop apartment holding his two pet lobsters and a neon pink wig. Akira got a nasty sunburn after that but at least Yusuke was pleased with his new art piece.



Either way meant Yusuke kidnapped you in some way. Either it was modeling or for avoiding having him hurt himself both were super random happenstances.

**Futaba Sakura:** Think u got the wrong chat but hoo boi ≖‿≖)

 **Haru Okumura:** Is Yusuke okay?

 **Makoto Nijima:** Well noting he typed 'on me' I think the unsafe one will be Ryuji this time

**-UNREAD MESSAGES-**

**Ryuuji Sakamoto:** should i be concerned he took out of his backpack an octopus? squid?

 **Futaba Sakura:** Inari really is expanding his kinks each day

 **Ryuuji Sakamoto:** DUDE THAt ttHING IS MOVING

 **Futaba Sakura:** HAHAHAHA

 **Futaba Sakura:** prepare to be topped ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ

 **Makoto Nijima:** …

 **Haru Okumura:** O-O)

 **Akira Kurusu:** Be gentle!  
  


Who knows how long it will take Ryuji to get out of Yusuke's claws... tentacles? Akira stops himself right there not wanting to indulge into any explicit imagery, context kindly provided by Futaba.

It’s been a few minutes of him sitting here as he went through some of his social media and checked a few unopened DM’s from this afternoon. 

Rain starts to calm down a little. The sound of drops tapping at the canopy and dripping down the street is relaxing, and Akira does not feel a rush to leave at this moment yet. He should though, is not safe being late at night in the city. Morgana would never let him hear the end of it. If he found out that is.

Morgana was almost like a mom sometimes, and for a second, he missed his weight on his bag. Tonight, Morgana is busy reveling himself on sushi at Ann's place. Akira thinks he might be really heavy on his bag tomorrow morning he goes to pick him up if the picture Ann sent him earlier of Mona's belly sticking out with his limbs languid on the edge of the sofa is any indication.

Morgana rarely leaves his side, but in lieu of giving Akira privacy today, vaguely aware Akira needed some time alone he stayed to spend some time with Ann.

His senior year at his hometown was... slow. Back home he was still a delinquent and so he still got glares from some adults and the cold shoulder from his peers. He wasn't surprised though, he already dealt with that at Shujin and besides all of his friends stopped talking to him once he left for Tokyo. Akira managed, but he is mostly thankful that Morgana never left his side.

Akira for a moment feels like an old man sitting at his house’s porch thinking about his youth and the thought is silly. He is only nineteen after all.

But if he was honest, he doesn’t want to go back to his apartment just yet. Akira wants to talk. Talk about the moon, the stars, Shakespeare, delinquents, idealism, nihilism, cakes, he wants to talk about everything and nothing at all.

Akira wants to talk with words and silence, because talking with silence is possible. When words aren’t necessary to make the moment meaningful is when the brain and heart feeds best.

He has plenty of friends and even though they talk nonsense and deep themes together, the conversations he can have with them are not the type of conversations he craves tonight.

The type of conversations he craves right now are left in the past. He got to hang on them a bit longer though. His senior year he dreamt about Goro almost religiously every night. They would talk for what could be hours when in reality were probably minutes or seconds.

In some way it was as if Goro had never left at all. Then Akira said something Goro didn’t like and it all melted.

His dreams turned into vague scenarios he can’t still pinpoint if there’s a meaning behind them. Scenarios that will always end up swallowing the small glimpses, he can have of him.

His dreams turned insipid and brief. Goro sealed his lips and for the longest of time Akira feared he’s starting to forget.

Dreams that used to made him feel complete when he had lost a big part of himself after Maruki’s palace now left him breathless with a paranoia he always shoves in the back of his mind when he wakes up. He isn’t sure if it’s only his subconscious playing a sadistic (masochistic?) trick on him or if his fears are really catching up.

Tonight, his only companion is the rain, and she sings lovely. Thunder rolls at the distance, a dog howls far away and the bell of the restaurant crossing the street chimes as the light of a passing car blinds him for a moment.

Huh.

Deja Vu.

Akira dreamt this. An insipid dream from last spring.

✦ · · · · ────────────

Rain falls in small cascades down the canopy he is sitting under. Warm tender light caresses his skin and a playful breeze whispers at his ear before trailing through his neck.

Thunder rolls at the distance, a howl from a dog follows through as if it wanted to sing along the lovely voice of the rain. A bell chimes from the restaurant at the other side of the street and when bright lights blind him, and Akira raises his hand a little too late to cover his blinded eyes.

The flash passes with the familiar purr of a car and at the other side of the street someone is standing.

Black clothes from top to bottom. Akira can’t see the man’s eyes because they’re closed. His face points heavenward as if he is letting himself feel every drop onto his cheeks and slip down his neck.

"Akechi..." Akira mutters. Rain is embracing Akechi and for the first time Akechi lets himself be embraced.

"Goro!" Akira calls out louder and stands up, he wants to talk to him, again, wants to make things right, wants to have his friend again even if it’s only in dreams. When Akechi opens his eyes, another car passes by and the street is empty again.

──────────── · · · · ✦

In reality no one is standing there.

Akira won’t say the sinking feeling at his gut was disappointment.

CLANK!

Akira startles when a loud metallic thing crashed, a trash lid rattles through the pavement and hits his feet falling. His hand catches it before it keeps on drumming painfully against the floor.

A small figure appears through the rain into the canopy with languid and trembling footsteps. Dark hair falls heavy and damp covering the slender figure of a cat.

The cat looks confused and groggy so its head thuds against Akira's shin and freezes. Akira notices the animal froze but not scared more like trying to process what just happened. Slowly the animal looks up at Akira, with unfocused eyes, barely open. Akira is a bit surprised at the tilt of the head of the cat as if Akira was a strange specimen he has never seen before and when Akira notices a trail of blood drops following behind, the cat collapses to the ground.

Akira doesn't know about vets because Morgana never gets sick (if he did should he even take him to a vet?) So, he ends up at Takemi's clinic in the middle of the night.

"Boy, I'm a doctor not a vet" The woman had said through the phone and once more as she was tending the cat's injuries.

"I know but I really didn’t know where to go."

Takemi lets out a small sight comprehending the situation and keeps herself busy examining the cat kneading softly at its torso.

"No broken bones. A radiography would be best to have for this though. You said it fell from a trash can?"

"I think so. Or he bumped against it. I couldn’t really see much."

"Well let’s hope he didn’t fall from the rooftop.” The doctor speaks. "But no, Ill guess he got into a fight with another cat or he cut himself by accident."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Akira looks down at the cat, its breathe is slow and its hair is starting to dry a bit and curl at the tips.

"Yeah, I’ll give him some ointments and bandages, but tomorrow take him to a vet. I’m not specialized in animals this is all I can do for the little thing, my guinea pig."

Takemi bandaged the cat, he had a big cut between his shoulder and chest, so with the bandages it looked like he had a small white vest. Takemi didn’t charge him for waking her up in the middle of the night just told him he could repay him being a test subject later on.

Akira thanked her and wrapped the cat in his blue scarf. The scarf had some drops of blood smeared in from when he first picked the cat up back at Kichijoji. Akira isn’t concerned about the piece of cloth, he can wash that later, he’s more concerned on having the cat warm so it doesn’t get sick.

As to why the cat collapsed, Takemi says probably from exhaustion but that _he should still check with a vet tomorrow._

His apartment is too far from Yongen-Jaya and the trains are not running by anymore. Akira doesn’t even consider a cab making a beeline straight to LeBlanc.

He has some spare clothes upstairs, so he goes straight up not turning on any lights downstairs. Akira gently places the cat on the couch while he puts on some sleepwear. He rummages through his 'closet' (a few boxes in a shelf) and finds a spare thin yet warm pink blanket and a towel.

The cat’s still asleep, his chest rising up and down peacefully. Akira takes the towel and finishes drying up the cat's fur, he doesn’t want it to get sick nor wake him up, so he does it with gentle pats.

"You had a long day, didn't you?" Akira gives a tender pat with the towel near the bandage. The cat’s mouth is opened slightly in a cute way that makes Akira’s chest flutter. Not missing the moment, he takes out his cellphone and deactivates the flash and sound before taking a picture. Is probably one of the cutest photos he has taken from a cat and makes a mental note to share it later either with the PT chatgroup or anyone who messages him first. He isn’t picky.

“Time to bed” Akira wraps the cat with the pink blanket and carries it like a baby.

Akira lays down on the bed with the cat by his side, maybe it isn’t health-safe taking a stray cat into your bed but this way Akira can keep an eye on it in case the cat wakes up before morning.

Its fur is soft, and its face is delicate, is a really pretty cat and Akira guesses once its long hair is fully dry, it'll look gorgeous. It reminded him of a Norwegian Rainforest, but Akira isn't sure if the cat belongs to that breed, maybe a mix with something else?

"Do you have a name?" Akira whispers not wanting to wake the animal up. Akira isn't sure what to name it… him. He doesn’t want to go with a common and predictable name. There’s also the possibility he may have a name already and someone could be looking for him. A part of him lowkey wishes that wasn’t that case and he can get to name it. He needs something that matches and compliments his personality. The cat nuzzles closer to Akira’s fist and Akira extends his index finger to scratch gentle at the cat’s chin.

Akira feels his eyelids heavy before he can come up with a name.

✧ · · · · ────────────

He once read ‘there’s no exquisite beauty without strangeness in its proportion’. Such words wash over him with the same warmth of the salty air inside his lungs, squeezing hard his heart at the sight in front of him.

Sun wraps around brown strands of hair shining gold. Hair flows in the wind as in slow motion (or Akira sees it that way) the man standing by the shore turns around and looks at him with those crimson eyes challenging the sea’s allure.

Thunder echoes at the distance, a storm is approaching. Waves swallow up the figure by the shore up to the knees. Lips move, they curl up at the corners in a smile, but it isn’t happy or pleased.

Is cruel.

Akira finds it endearing still.

But the sea in the end is always a selfish lover, so when Akira tried to reach out, Goro lets himself get swallowed up by the sea, and Akira feels a cold raindrop on his brow.

──────────── · · · · ✧

That morning Akira wakes up alone.

Akira wakes up to find the pink blanket wrinkled by his side. He keeps his eyes fixed on it for a few seconds and then travel to the opened window. Letting out a sigh he hopes his feline friend can find his way back home.

"Oh you're here" Akira sits up and sees Sojiro at the last steps from the stairs. "I heard noise, so I came up to check."

"So, you took the most lethal weapon you could find in case of burglary, boss?” Akira’s lips curled slightly amused as he points at the spatula Sojiro had in hand. “But yeah, the cafe was closer than my apartment, so I crashed in."

"Hey, don’t underestimate what a spatula can do.” Sojiro speaks pointing the spatula right at him. To be honest Sojiro might be old now but he suspects he might have been pretty good at throwing fists when he was younger. “Alright,” Sojiro turns around and starts walking back down “if you don’t have classes come downstairs and help around."

It was Friday so Akira had only one two-hour class at 1:00 p.m. so he left the bed and changed into some jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt. Sitting down at the edge of the bed he decided to check his messages before he went downstairs.

**Friday, December 4, 20XX**

**6:55 a.m.**

**[Phantom Hub]**

**-UNREAD MESSAGES-**

**Ryuji Sakamoto:** u r filthy get ur mind out of the gutter

 **Futaba Sakura:** well is not my fault u phrased everything like a bad written porno (◔_◔)

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** I DID NOT

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** yusuke painted me with a blindfold and this thing uh

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** what is it called?

_Futaba Sakura changed the group name to Phamtom Hub_

**Futaba Sakura:** blindfold and tentacles? Seems u had fun last nite

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** Goddammit no, it was a balance

**-NEW MESSAGES-**

**Makoto Nijima:** Good morning

 **Makoto Nijiima:** Oh

 **Makoto Nijima:** Bye

 **Ann Takamaki:** WHAT THE HELL IS GOING

 **Futaba Sakura:** yusuke and Ryuji shot tentacle porn last nite

 **Ann Takamaki:** wHaT

 **Makoto Nijima:** is literally 6:58 a.m. can we not talk about... this? These are topics allowed only in “the void hour” as Akira calls it

 **Haru Okumura:** maybe we never left the void hour

 **Makoto Nijima:** I-

 **Makoto Nijima:** I haven’t had enough coffee for this yet

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Good morning my beloved friends, I’m glad you’re interested on the piece of art Ryuuji so kindly helped me as my model. I wanted to portray the beauty of the sea but also I couldn’t stop thinking of this greek mythology documentary and I was left bewildered, inspiration strike me!

 **Haru Okumura:** That actually sound really interesting Yusuke!

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** Zeus tricking his brothers so he could get the Olympus and sent Hades who deserved the Olympus to the underworld, Medusa being punished and treated wrongly when she was just a victim, Athena breaking Zeus head after he swallowed her for bearing a child that might be greater than him… I have so much information in my head right now! I might end up doing a collection inspired on all these myths.

 **Futaba Sakura:** Squids? Lobsters? Greek gods? Ryuji?

 **Futaba Sakura:** Inari’s mind works in mysterious ways

 **Akira Kurusu:** Inari’s mind works in mysterious yet beautiful ways*

**-NEW MESSAGES-**

**Futaba Sakura:** Akira your gay crush is showing

 **Akira Kurusu:** Yes let it show, Yusuke hear me out

 **Akira Kurusu:** I LOVE YOU

 **Yusuke Kitagawa:** I love and appreciate you too, Akira

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** hey akira i thought u loved me :(

 **Akira Kurusu:** god gave me TWO HANDS to hold both your hands

 **Ryuji Sakamoto:** aww never let it go bro

 **Akira Kurusu:** never bro

 **Yusuke Kitagawa** : what a wonderful circle of love we have formed

 **Futaba Sakura:** get a room

 **Akira Kurusu:** so guys there’s a room up in leblanc

 **Futaba Sakura:** tell me when u r the three of u there so i dont go near leblanc

Akira loves his friends he really does. They are wonderful and sometimes he wants to just go kiss and hug all of them. He wonders briefly if he can talk about his dreams to any of them, about how much he misses having dreams that aren’t solely about Goro but also fears that one day he’ll never have even those glimpses of Goro and that he will forget his face and…

It’s a lot to unpack there.

Akira thinks he can’t tell them about all of this. Specially Haru and Futaba, it just feels wrong. Even though they don’t really hate him because they understand Akechi was a victim, well forgiveness was a complicated issue. This whole subject was kinda complicated to just talk about like if it was the weather. Morgana is aware Akira dreams of Akechi but he still hasn’t confide him all of what they’ve really entailed.

So Akira doesn’t have anyone to talk about this and is not because he doesn’t trust them (he literally trusts them with his life) but because even though they’ll hear him out they won’t fully understand what’s going on inside his head.

Because Akira is a mirror no one can get the whole perspective. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard Akira wants to be transparent and show what’s really at the other side he can’t avoid hiding himself behind reflections in the end.

Reflections are his nature, and he can’t change it because he has always been a mirror. Even before he ripped off his mask off to a deal with his persona, he was a mirror. One with dry dirt on its surface where reflections were foggy so what Arsene did when he surrounded Akira with his blue fire was cleanse him. Arsene ripped out every spot and blemish that hid him revealing the beauty that hid underneath layers and layers of dirt.

Personas don’t change you or make you better, they just reveal the hidden worth inside you.

So what does it mean being a mirror? What does it mean that he can wield different personas? Is something else hiding behind the mirror he isn’t aware of?

Is it worth still wondering all this now that everything’s over?

When there’s no Phantom Thieves anymore?

No palaces?

No brave leader?

No Joker?

✦ · · · · ────────────

“Being a wildcard... so many masks and faces maybe we will never know who we really are...” Akechi is sitting in the opposite arm seat facing Akira’s.

A dark room and a long red window similar in style to the ones in the attic of Leblanc.

Akechi has his eyes fixed on it but when Akira tries looking out to see what Akechi is observing, all that he can see is red emptiness.

“I think we are all of them.” Akira leans back into his seat trailing with his eyes the delicate profile of the male sitting a few feet in front of him. “People have facets and emotions that makes them, well them. I just think wildcards can see them displayed that way because they are more aware of when one begins and the other ends.”

“Hmm… you make it sound so simple.”

“Things don’t have to be complicated all the time.” Akira shrugs and Akechi looks at him from the corner of his eye.

“No” Akechi says after a moment of silence. Sighing he closes his eyes; he has his elbow on the arm of his seat and he places his cheek against the knuckles of his hand. “I dont think the same.” Goro Looks at Akira and Akira notices hiding behind those red lights enhanced on his iris something off. Sadness? No, exhaustion.

“Things are never simple, Akira.” Akira is a little taken aback by the use of his first name, Akechi rarely says it now. “…because there’s a whole background behind each thing that happens. Sometimes when I think about it, I compare it to the Chaos Theory. Small differences in initial conditions can lead up to a completely different outcome. The present determines the future but in the proximate present I can take a choice with just a tiny degree of difference and the future result will completely transform.” Akechi lowers the hand were his cheek was resting a minute ago, as he spoke, he made small gestures with it. “The butterfly effect. It flips its wings here and a hurricane happens at the other side of the world. How is that different from you or me?”

“I… I don’t think I’m catching up what exactly you want to say about us.” Akira admits.

“Ah sorry.” Goro breathes out a short laugh “what I’m trying to say is that as I grew up, I saw everything I did as a butterfly not knowing it would lead to what I became. I was foolish.”

“You were a kid” Goro smiles but is obvious he doesn’t agree.

“I suppose that as wildcards we are the cause and effect of the other in the most subtle yet wild ways. It was simple, I befriend you I get the intel I want. Now I’m a Phantom Thief, I’m in I can destroy you. It was simple but then we played billiards, we talked in Leblanc I showed you Jazz Jin, deviations from the original path that just led to doubts and later to my death.” Akira flinches at the word.

“So Akira you were the butterfly that brought the storm inside of my h…” He stops for a second and smiles as if the thought was silly. “inside of me. You were the factor that ended up messing up my plan, my only goal in life. Had the leader of the Phantom Thieves be someone else… well I’ll be dead too.” Akechi laughs “I’ll be dead! But so that hypothetical leader would be. In the end Shido would have won. All because I was blind and asinine.”

Akira isn’t aware when he bolted from his seat, when his face got too close to Goro’s as he trapped him against his seat.

“Did I make the oh-so-stoic leader mad?” Akechi’s being smug.

“I’m tired of this…” Akira grips the arms of the seat, but his voice is soft.

“Are you tired of taking pity on me? Have you finally realized you’re wasting your life clinging to a dead man?”

“I’m tired that you keep lying to me.” Eyes fixed, Akira is invading all of the detective’s personal space their noses brush each other for a moment but Akechi doesn’t back away. Instead he stares back through his eyes directly at the fire that burns behind gray irises. “Stop lying to me. Not here, not anymore. I know you’re not dead.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Akechi, I know you’re not dead.”

“Akira…” There’s a hand on Akira’s cheek. Akira can’t move, Akechi is looking at him with the softest expression he has never seen on his face before, but he quickly covers it. Not even here Akechi lets himself be vulnerable even in the most tender moments. “I know that these dreams mean I was that butterfly to you too, isn’t that right?” More than just that “But the chaos in your heart need to stop seeking me.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“I can’t let my chaos entangle with yours.” Akechi pushes a black strand of hair behind Akira’s ear. The gesture so intimate Akira can’t help leaning to it. “Stop looking for me.”

“No.”

“Then I’ll make you stop.” 

His cheek is cold and the seat’s empty. Akira is alone in the darkness of this room.

──────────── · · · · ✦

The next morning was the morning he took his train back to Tokyo after graduating high school. The dark room in a red void hasn’t left his mind ever since because that was the last time Akechi spoke a word to Akira. It’s been a year and eight months of radio silence.

The memories of his dreams are too vivid to be just dreams.

He has thought that for a while but he hears Sojiro calling him from the café. Akira doesn't have time to keep overthinking his mind any longer, so he takes a deep breath before going downstairs.

**Author's Note:**

> No one:  
> Absolutely no one:  
> Akechi: akira you're my butterfly effect  
> Akira: ...  
> Akira: Odd way to confess but ok
> 
> Is my first time posting in this fandom so comments are very welcomed uwu


End file.
